I am scared

You know that person you really love, that one person whose text lights up your day, the one your happiness relies on? yeah that one.. Have you ever wondered what it'll be like when you can't talk to that person again? when you can't receive that special text anymore.

I have bn thinking about this recently, and realized how most people's happiness in one way or the other rely on another human, how some days are filled with much sadness 'cos they haven't spoken to that 'special person'. How we sometimes already see ten to twenty years into the future with that person.

But what we never think about is what happens when we no longer have access to that person.
I am going to try to make this as general as possible, however I'll speak from personal experiences. I don't like getting hurt! That's as straight forward as it can get.. I know it sounds selfish and evil, but i'll rather be the one to hurt someone than get hurt. I love the lonely life. It was a life I despised before, but now i've come to realize the many advantages of having my happiness rely on me and me alone, okay and the Supreme being God... unlike human beings, we can always talk to God and believe he hears us.

      
You know the forever alone association yeah? well I know it too, why? because I am the treasurer.. I am scared of loving and not receiving back... Scared I'll get too involved with someone that it'll hurt to watch them leave. Of course I am not talking from just movies and stuff... I am human.. I've bn emotionally attached in some cases and I watched helplessly as my heart was torn into pieces, and I always make the same vow not to 'fall' again.... But of course I 'fall' again, luckily for me, it takes me about a year or so to make the same 'mistake' again. Yes I call falling in love a mistake.

Unlike most people, I don't look for love.. I AM SCARED OF LOVE.. I just want to be happy.. I just want to party hard, I just want to smile..I don't wan't my happiness to be in the hands of someone else... I AM SCARED OF GETTING HURT..